Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004 - 10:18 a.m.

Not very introspective

I was reading my journal entries from March 03. I sounded so different then. I was peaceful and happy. But I think I know what changed. Something I have pushed way back in the cave and leave in the dark. My girl is dying. Oh, not today, and not in a big surprise, but she is inexorably dying. As the lobes of her brain suffer more and more damage, and as the lack of stress-inhibiting hormones affects her blood pressure more, the day will come. Probably there will be a time when she will be living here again, unable to do much more than care for her personal needs and requiring alot of watching over. But she may also just have a massive stroke or seizure that takes her Home.

In the meantime, it is hard to watch the deterioration that is taking place. And in the meantime, outsiders that do not know the whole picture have their own evaluations of her life and behaviour. Maybe she should wear a t-shirt that says, "I have a terminal illness."

We both have hope that certain areas of her life will improve, but other bigger areas will probably get worse. d is very angry about the whole situation and in typical teen fashion is making his unhappiness known. That will straighten out as he grows older. right now I try to stay out of alot of the day to day things. I could pour money on the problems, but she still needs to take as much responsibility as she can handle.

I guess I can see that is probably affecting my personality, too. Well, now that I know what the problem is, I can work on it.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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