Sunday, May. 23, 2004 - 4:00 p.m.

Sheer indulgence plus a provocative speech

SPECIAL BULLETIN (a speech from the President that some would like to hear)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been covered thoroughly in the press. A new Iraqi government has been established and appears to be stable. Our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be completed within 30 days.

It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries that have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the next few years, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your own damn problems. Need help? Call Germany.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your relatives from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say: It seems like everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War II. Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose. Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Hey, fellas, work out your own peace deal. Just note that Camp David is closed.

Also, bear in mind that Israel is on our first list, Palestinians on the 2nd. Yasser, if you continue to insist that Israel be completely destroyed, you will have presented them with their only defense being YOUR complete destruction. We will no longer restrain them.

I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't give a damn about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.

While we're on the subject, that big, beautiful glass building on the East River would provide some fine office space that is much needed since the destruction of the World Trade Center. The ridiculous debating society of America's self proclaimed enemies who are now our guests there will be encouraged to find a new "host Nation". They are no longer welcome here.

They have proven themselves to be a bad joke. Every time we follow the U.N. we are forced to fight a limited war that we are not permitted to win. We leave a brutal tyrant still in charge who slaughters multitudes as soon as we leave. It has meant eternal chaos, protecting tyrants and penalizing free nations. Enough!

How many disasters of epic proportion must be suffered before we understand that International Government is a bad, unworkable idea. "World Peace" is not to be found there but in simple mutual respect and "minding our own business".

A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Illegal aliens will no longer qualify for government assistance. They will be deported.

Some people will accuse us of xenophobia as if our concern for the well being of our own families means that we hate foreigners. We don't hate foreigners. We just want you to mind your own business and we'll mind ours. Because we do not wish to support you forever does not make us Xenophobic. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. We will develop energy independence. We will restructure our nation for its isolationist destiny. I will be sending legislation to Congress tomorrow proposing the first actions that that august body should take as we move in a new direction.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. Call us any time.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

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I spoiled myself rotten yesterday. It had rained in the night and I indulged myself by sitting outside much of the morning. In the afternoon, it started to pour, so I gathered up my soft blankie and wrapped myself in it while I watched the rain and listened to it drip off the roof. Then again just before dark it started to rain even harder, so out came the blankie again. This time the dark clouds were very close to the ground and from the undersided looked like abig clumps of marshmallows. the robins were going crazy trying to get all the worms that must have come to the surface. The big Doug firs in front of the house are regular apartment complexes for them.

The magpies keep raiding the nests but often 2 or 3 robins will chase one all around the yard. The other day, Trixie came in with a little blood spot on her lip. 800 had seen her stalking birds and one must have retaliated.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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