2003-01-21 - 12:17 p.m.

Obscurity reigns!

In my constant quest for anonymity, I have become almost invisible, even to myself. Not quietly and peacefully invisible, but loudly and annoyingly invisible. As I was reading some former entries, I realized that even I don't understand or remember some of my oblique references. That's what I get for labeling some things, or maybe even people by letters or numbers.

Who or what could I have possibly referred to as B? And what could B have to do with starvation diets in the spiritual realm? Who knows? This whole gettin' old thingy is gettin' weird. Hopefully by the time it gets really bad, I shall be too old to care or else have forgotten all about it anyway.

In my defense, I did a very good job at positive release tonite. And without notes which is a real accomplishment. I misplaced my computer notes of positive release somewhere which is the second set of important job notes that I have lost or that has been taken. Yes, not only is my mind failing, I am also getting paranoid. De told me she knew I was going to have trouble with this because I am too logical and always have to know why. Guilty as charged. It doesn't help that the whole positive release program is very reminiscent of DOS and very mouse-resistant. I am sure thousands of dollars were spent on the software development. They should have hired Bill Gates.

Now, let's see---is there anything wildly exciting looming in my future? Nope, and in a way that is nice. My knee and the opposing foot seem to be getting better slowly and for that, I am VERY VERY VERY grateful. Every day in every way, I am getting better and better. I repeat that little mantra to myself over and over. I wonder if it is OK to say a mantra as long as it has no spiritual context. I say it very facetiously but with a niggling little sense that it is true.

The last thing I got excited about was Charlie Rose's interview with Adrien Brody of "The Pianist". His account of preparing for his role as Szpielman,the Holocaust musician was enthralling and I think I would like to see the film when it comes out in video. I hope it was not necessary to fill it with crudities and such. Schindler's List could have been such a great story, but the vulgarities made it very turnoffable. Mr. Maxwell used to say that hanging out all your dirty laundry doesn't prove you are honest, it just proves you are dirty. He was such a unique fellow. Everyone used to quote him and one funny saying was Maxwell 1:l, Be balanced.

I wonder if he ever heard that phrase. He probably wouldn't have liked being compared to the Bible, he was such a humble man in his dealings with folks. I remember how in awe of him I was, until one day when we were leaving the Tab with the four little kids. He was in the foyer and we tried to hustle them past him so it wouldn't be disruptive. Instead, he bent down close to them and patted their cheeks and spoke gently and lovingly to them. It was a silent rebuke to me for assigning a haughty spirit to someone without cause.

I have done that often in my life. Assuming something about someone without knowing the full facts. Assuming someone was arrogant when they were really unbearably shy, and other such nonsense. Those judgments are usually our own insecurities showing themselves. I am thankful for the lessons in that area You have taught me, and I am sure I have more to learn.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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