2001-07-28 - 3:25 p.m.

grief

Read a thought-provoking entry from starrfish today. She expresses herself alot like me. The holding back of one's self, a reluctance to make oneself vulnerable, I think. She also recently lost her eldest son, and I relive once more the pain of 13 years ago.

'Grief is the tax we pay for loving' That is a very true saying, and for the most part it is an equitable tax. I don't feel the outrage the colonials must have felt about the tea tax, but rather the acceptance I feel for the gas tax as I ride the modern roads of our area. I don't like the grief but the love is immeasurably precious.

1s is the one child I don't worry about anymore. Miss him, yes. Feel pain, yes. But he is safe, I know where he is, I know he is happier than he has ever been, unutterably satisfied and fulfilled, and I am content. Do I want him back, YES. Can I bear it til I see him again, YES. There ARE worse things than having your oldest son in Heaven, just as Mr. Maxwell said. The pain I have felt as my other children have suffered the buffets of their unwise choices, or the cruely of others to them has often been almost unendurable, and often without hope.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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