2001-05-15 - 9:51 a.m.

why write?

Made the deck sittable again. After a winter of collecting whatever we don't want to put away, it is a mess. Now that 2d uses the front entrance to her studio, there is not the incentive to keep the back deck entrance orderly. The cats have slept out there much of the winter--try not to feed them there but I sometimes slip. Naturally alpha male likes to make it plain to the others that is his territory. He had better watch his step. That is why he was banished from the house and neutered. I love the animals but as I grow older, my fuse is shorter when inconvenienced. Never could understand, in my younger days, why some friends seemed heartless about giving animals away. Now I'm beginning to.

g is coming over today. We could sit on the deck and visit but it is grey and chilly so the family room is probably the spot. I enjoy the visits except when whining starts. My theory is that if God doesn't change the situation, it is either my turn to change or just live with it for personal growth. I have never been a great worrier, probably because I have been powerless in most situations. When I can change something, I start in, and that usually eliminates time for whining. No medals for me in that! Just natural laziness.

Thank You, Lord, for the powerlessness. It has worked character into my life that I wouldn't have voluntarily put there.

I seem to want to commit my thoughts somewhere again. When I was young, I was usually in the throes of love, and wrote high-sounding yearnings. When 1s died, it was because I needed to get my grief and cries out to my Saviour. I haven't written there for a long time--sometime in the beginning of each new year the last few years, I think I haven't done that in 01. Better take a look. Usually my desk has lots of stuff waiting for attendance, and by the time that is done, it is time for other things. I had a feeling that I needed to record all I could remember about 1s so I wouldn't forget. Gifts, incidents, etc. I remember looking through my Bible to see if such recording is wise. So many who've lost someone write books about it. I read so many the first couple of years. Immersed myself in others' grief.

My final decision concerning noting everything I could remember was that my brain had millions of wrinkles full of everything that had ever happened, and the God I believe in was fully capable of bringing back to me the memories He knew I would need. More laziness or more growth?

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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