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2002-07-07 - 3:31 p.m.
Mountain drive
800, e and I drove up to the mountain lake yesterday afternoon. 2d and d had driven up earlier in the afternoon and 2s and girls had been up there with trailer, canoe and 4 wheeler since Friday morn. As we got into the pines below the ski lodge, the smell was lovely, and every vista pleased. I tried to analyze why it held no allure for me. I am too bunged up in the knees to hike without pain, sit on stumps or rocks. 1d's death cast a pall over lots of things our family did when we were younger. The last business ventures were in the mountains and while those not responsible had lots of fun in between working, I was constantly aware that financial disaster was just a hair away--and it was. Those three facts have taken away alot of the enjoyment of the mountains for me, but I am glad the rest of the family still loves the wilderness, and every once in a while, I must go there, too, for them. I never have liked camping. Roughing it has always been too much like real life for me. Raised without indoor plumbing, living out of a 27 foot trailer, walking most places and doing without conveniences most take for granted just made camping a continuation of life, not a special event. I have never voiced the reasons for my feelings to anyone. It is best not to take away the joy others have in things. We had a wonderful word from You this day, but I have noticed something peculiar. After hearing something that has blessed or convicted, it is almost like the Enemy says, "Oh, yeah, we'll see if you really think so." Please guard our hearts and minds .
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