Monday, Jul. 26, 2004 - 8:53 a.m.

Fraud! Fraud!-pic

My conscience got the better of me, especially when a cyberfriend expressed surprise that the mental picture friend had of me was so different than the one I posted. Remember I said I had edited it alot! But in all honesty, it did look more like I looked on a good day 15 years ago than today. The actual picture is not a very flattering one, taken from an awkward angle and with flyaway hair, but it probably looks just like me. I put it right under my last entry and now I don't have to look at it again unless I load it up from my files.

Actually the two pictures are much like my current life right now. The reality of what is happening is not much like the facade I live behind currently. Not that I lie, I just don't say anything. It is amazing what a vacuous smile and a nodding head can conceal. I first starting pasting a smile on my face when working with the teens in my learning center. If I was concentrating and my face was serious, as I walked around the LC answering Christian flags, students would ask me what was the matter. So I got in the habit of pasting a smile on. I do the same thing while shopping and always have people smile back at me and sometimes I am even greeted by complete strangers who think I must be smiling because I recognize them and they have just forgotten who I am. I especially smile while Christmas shopping. That is such a tense time of year for so many and faces look so grim, that I hide behind my smile in self-defense.

Whew! I feel much better now that I have 'fessed up. Now the Avoidance Queen never has to think of it again.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

previous - next