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2002-01-29 - 10:08 a.m.
Indulgence
Indulgence-------- - How interesting that indulgence starts with the letter 'i'. And how appropriate. I have been indulging myself for the last 24 hours and plan to continue doing so for awhile longer. I could indulge myself even longer by calling in at work for the next 2 days, but since I am half Scot, I just can't bear throwing $200 away for the sake of a little more indulging. I shall have to stop indulging myself long enough to go out in the cold and see if the Lincoln will start. It hasn't been driven since December and if it doesn't start, 2d will have to take to and from work til 800 gets back. That will be very much unindulging her. I spent the afternoon watching two videos which shall henceforth be un-named but with 2d's studio right outside the TV room,I kept having to change the volume, so I decided to watch the rest in the bedroom, which naturally put me into my usual afternoon sleep which lasted until one in the morning. Then I came back downstairs and watched Twister and Broken Arrow as loud as I wanted and enjoyed again immensely. 2d said we'd missed a chance to party as she quit lessons at 9 but I was asleep. When she was younger and 800 was away on a contract with whatever boys were home, we would fry corn tortillas, sprinkle them with shredded cheese and watch TV for the evening. That is still both of our ideas of a fun night. Even if it means we do it by ourself. She told me on Sunday afternoon that she recognized our likenesses in the fact that we hold ourselves off in relationships. I feel I am warmer and more outgoing than she is, and then I realize it is just the facade I use for protection. I think it is an issue of vulnerability. It is no wonder I find cyber friends as real and satisfying as flesh and blood ones. And infinitely safer. At any time I can retreat or even totally disappear. I hope 2d doesn't ever start writing or reading journals. She is much too young to cut herself off from the real world as I have done lately. I want her to have real relationships and enjoyments. She is probably even more obsessive than I. The nuts truly do not fall far from the tree.
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