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2001-10-29 - 9:46 a.m.
running over
Running over---My life is full and running over. I have to remember this moment on the days that are slow and silent. I go back to work tomorrow nite having accomplished very little that can be looked upon but lots and lots that can be thought upon. Had 2 good days with 1d, first shopping around town and lunching at Papa Kelsey's and then driving to tf with her and e, meeting 2d, 1s and girls at Costco. 800 and d had gone hunting Fri afternoon and all day Saturday. They saw nothing but had a good time. I bought very little at Costco, but what I did get was very satisfying. Such mundane pleasures: 6 giant pomegranates, 3 litres of olive oil, a Gallo wine-cured hard salami, a fruit cake rich with pecans, cherries, pineapple and very little candied citrus. Fruit cake is a lot like cats. People either love them or hate them. This family is like that too. People either love us or hate us. Sometimes it is like two dogs, meeting each other for the first time, circling with teeth bared and hair raised all down the back to the tail. It is especially that way with some of the male members of the family but is even noticeable among the females. I have often wondered why, because we are polite, quiet spoken until we know someone, bathe regularly, sport no identifying tattoos, etc. But I digress----we had the first of four special meetings..Just our usual group but complete with shouting speaker and amens. And as I have painfully learned, the method and messenger are not the vital part, it is what You want to say to me. Our pastor and family are from a part of the country and church culture where the altar is used much and it has been hard for them, I think, to be around our little use of it. I have thought of that and pondered my responses. Just for myself, I have tried to keep short accounts with You. Special meetings are not what You have used in my life to effect change. When a call is issued, You and I are usually in a right position, and if we are not, it is going to take much more than surface emotions to get me there. Usually a pin to the floor is necessary. Nevertheless,it is good to publicly demonstrate the reality of You in a life. Last night, after a good(after surface distractions) analogy of the potter and the wheel-Jeremiah-G---s met as they often do at the altar, d also went. He has a tender heart, and responds to Your Fatherhood love. With no physical father around, his soul is hungry for that. As I walked forward also, I felt no great change, but rather an agreement that I am the clay in Your hand, picked up out of the pit by You, placed on the table to be cut and be pounded, rolled out, imperfections plucked away, and placed on the Wheel. Refusal to stay in the center allows centrifugal force to sling the clay to the floor, to gather dirt and imperfections once again--and back to the table, then to the Wheel. The center of the Wheel, molded by the Potter, to be what You want. As I knelt there, thinking of these things, I looked down and there was little e beside me, only past 3, just months into a SS class where she was learning about You. I know the understanding was so limited, but I was so grateful to You. She is the one I have been worried about. My children know You. You and they are responsible for that relationship. The bigger grands are in that position,also, though with much less opportunity to grow, than their parents had. But little e has been such a concern to 2d and me. We do what we can, but our time is limited with her, and Mommy does not have You as her priority, so how can she pass that on. But YOU ARE FAITHFUL. Thank You, thank You, thank You. You are completely trustworthy to lead her to Jesus, in fact You, by Your Spirit, are the only One Who can do it. It was also special to me because I am not her favorite person. I have been the disciplinarian much of her life, and while I know this position is necessary, I also know it does not place one very high on the affection ladder!
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