2001-08-16 - 3:14 a.m.

relative things.

Bro is gone. Died Fri. Funeral Tuesday. 800 lil sis is here, then Fri. they'll go to big sis for 3 days. Lots of activity. Since bro and wife were in camp trailer, we offered our house for wake and visiting. I didn't stress out too badly. I yam what I yam.

Cleaned and straightened as bet as I could, spent 150 on food and supplies, will give 800 another 300 for trip. I'm so thankful to be able to put most of my paycheck away for times like this. Could spend it on lots of things, make some big decisions and upscale everything but what for. My wish list is pretty small anymore. A good book, a good sleep, a peaceful day--those are the important things anymore.

It is nice to be able to walk in and buy things not make them from scratch at times like this. That's why I work. I've traded time for money. I could wish for a more conventional gramma life, baut this is a different age from what I might consider conventional, and who knows? Under the surface, convention might look much different than I suppose.

Bro's family was all here. Even if they were not marriage kin, they are interesting souls and my natural instinct at this time, or my bent from You, is to reach out and get to know them. I do it so effortlessly at work with total strangers. Why not do the same with those I've ties with.

2s and girls looked so nice. He bought new dark blue suit, new boots, etc. after saying he'd wear new black levi's and western shirt (which would have been ok) Instead he came looking family sharp. one of the cousins told him he cleaned up good, and he was pleased. He bought the girls pretty shoes. Just when I think nothing rubbed off, I get a big surprise. Thank You.

I know we are misfits, and much of what isn't misfit elsewhere isn't important. But I was proud. Doctors and beauty queens--of such are mother's dreams made of.

When I die, I'd like just a graveside service and KFC at the park. All the rest is very stressful on the providers. Actually I don't want to die, I just want to fly!!

I'm well into my 1st week of shut down and 10 or so days left. I'd like to make it count, but am very ambitionless, so will probably fritter the time away.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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