2001-07-17 - 4:54 a.m.

homeless

Just finished looking at all the rings. I don't seem to fit in any of the titles. Thot Christian might be my title, but most of them are very young and may be fire-escapers. Aspiring to purity of life seems to be a vanished concept. Lord, You know how far away from your holiness I am. The robe of righteousness you put on me is about it.

We truly are in the post-Christian era. Again I think of the fifties Christians (I wasn't one then but I could identify them and some of biggest influences in my life came from there) I think the identifying mark was separation. They knew how important it was for both church and family. And we do too.

Once again, I'm so thankful for a church home. Help me not to dirty it up. It's probably going to be small and probably have many peek-inners but that will be ok. I don't want to be gathering my skirts around me in criticism, but I do want to stand on some absolutes, and if those are a little more absolute than I am, ok.

I don't think I am unique. Surely there are other mature women who are born-again, like journals, aren't perfect, don't have perfect kids, homes, hubbies, feel a need to make contact. 2d and I often comment we don't make very good friends because we stay back, but we'd like to.

Even those closest to you end up hurting you at times. But they have a right to be honest in their feelings and when those feelings don't coincide with yours, do they have to keep them hidden? Can we disagree with love and accept disagreement with love?

It's hard to accept disagreement. That seems to be an invalidation of me, yet it really isn't. Only when I'm really insecure, is disagreement so shattering. Otherwise, it's part of the variety of life. Blue is not my favorite colour. Does it have to be? Are you wrong if it's your favorite? I think not. Sometimes I like blue, it's my choice of the other choices. Have I joined the enemy? NOT!!

We also have to let others be hurt by our disagreement. Loving disagreement. Let me feel bad when something you say hurts my feelings. Don't think you've done some horrible thing. I know you love me. You just disagree with me on this point. If I don't think you care, that is a different thing. Loving silences aren't always good. They do make for peace, but not always honesty and can lead to a feeling of imprisonment.

I wish we could see into other hearts and see if the disagreement comes from friend or enemy. That requires a translucence and vulnerability i am not often capable of. I was hurt by 2d's comment tonite, but I know the love, so I have to be allowed to be hurt but not offended. 2d should not have to analyze every comment. That is what makes a friend.

EE's devotional

newAutumn Leaves

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