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2002-02-23 - 3:35 p.m.
un-Yechhhhh
un-Yechhhhh---------- - Perhaps I like pretzels, after all. They are excellent littlest granddaughter bait! I have bitten off a little more than I can chew but it is having unexpected rewards. 1d has gone back to work at a new care center. I bit my tongue for 2 months and just let her sort things out with out my advice or admonitions..I watched her wait desperately for her tax refund and then spend it quickly and get right down to nothing before finding a job. She knows she always can find a position at a care center. They are always needy for nurses. I think she is having episodes like 800 did almost 30 years ago. They both have 'nerves' and when a job gets to be too much, they have nervous attacks and other symptoms. To me it has always smacked of running away, but I have no 'nerves'. Or if I do, between the Avoidance Queen and Miz Scarlett, they are buried so deeply, they rarely surface. I know nursing is a high stress job and working in geriatrics must get depressing when all your patients die. In any case, life is full of keeping on keeping on. Small pleasures and deferred gratifications become the rule of life. 1d will be working the evening shift which is not very convenient for this family's lifestyle. She is wanted on days, but must wait for an opening so 2d and I are going to do some babysitting for awhile. Since 2d's days are packed and the babysitter does not take e on the weekends, I am the choice for Saturdays. I tried my best to get to sleep immediately after work this am, and planned to sleep til 1 then watch baby until 2d got home from skiing around 7 or 8 then try to get 2 or 3 more hours of sleep. No such luck. After tossing and turning til after noon, I got up. Now I am down here at the computer, d is with 800 fishing I think, and e is playing with stuffed toys and watching The Secret of NIMH. She comes over to me and mooches pretzels and lets me give her little hugs. That is a new level for our relationship. I have never been her favorite as I have very little patience with unrestrained or undisciplined actions. She has always respected and obeyed me but never bestowed affection on me until recently. I minded but not enough to ignore bad behaviour. Things are changing and both of us are enjoying the new relationship. Another factor in our behaviour is our personalities. She is the 3rd generation of 'Miss Touch-me-nots'. We females of this family tend to hold ourselves aloof in many ways. I think we love as strongly but open displays of affection come hard. e is much different from big brother d. He has always been very affectionate and is to this day even as a young teen. He has also always been a very handsome child and she is a bit of a plain-Jane until she smiles. Then the whole world lights up! He is a people person and must be constantly around others, while she can entertain herself for long periods of time. At 3 and a half, she is fascinating for me to watch and I am glad we are getting along better.
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